Publish (and be damned)

I spent the whole of December finding reasons not bite the bullet and publish A Dead Polar Bear - because, to be honest, I was scared. This book is a labour of love and I have become very attached to the characters; the thought of opening up the door and shoving them out into the world to fend for themselves was nothing short of terrifying.

So in the end I committed myself publicly (i.e. DARED MYSELF) to a release date of New Year's Day. to give me those listless Twixmas days to put the final touches. Of course I spent those three solid days working assiduously ... LOL of course I didn't. I procrastinated like I have never procrastinated before. I have a few analogies to describe how bad it felt waiting to press the publish button - like I had got to the end of the first stage of labour and all that's left is the pushing, but all I want to do is get out of the birthing pool and turn off the whale music and just go home.

Perhaps a more accurate analogy for a romance writer (which apparently I purport to be these days) - it felt like the old days when you have been circling around someone you like for weeks and weeks, laughing loudly at their jokes and trying to spot the signs, then suddenly it looks like it's ON .... and suddenly you are a bit panicky. Nah, maybe not. What if, after all this build-up, it's all a crashing disappointment?

But I was committed - there was only one way the baby was coming out and on New Year's Eve I pressed the button on the Kindle Publishing App and my baby was born with the new year with all the hope and optimism that brings.

Apart from the emotional trauma, publishing on Kindle is pretty straightforward; formatting a paperback, though, has been a deeply traumatic experience. The reward, though, of receiving physical proof copies this week makes it all worth it. I know all new mums think their baby is beautiful but honestly - look at them!

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